The Strength of a Mortal Man
by Derpy Hooves Appreciation Man
Summary: Anon defeated Queen Umbra in battle, or so it is said. Now, even with his wife and his home, that victory grows more bitter than sweet. Can he possible escape her? Warning for violence, sex and grumpiness. Cover art is not mine.
1. Chapter 1

1.

Easy. That's what it was. Easy peesy lemon squeeze-y. No problemo. Not a concern. You'll walk it off. Get some water and a wet wipe and it'll clean right up. You looked in the train window and repeated this mantra again and again and again. The whole seven hours home. Home to Ponyville. Where SHE lived.

How long it had been, you forgot exactly. Being drafted and taken from home tends to make things sort of blur together between the letters. Three in basic. Four in the field. One at the base. That last one was the one that said you could go home.

The other seven came from home. From her. From that dough eyed little goof ball. Truth be told you missed her. You missed her bad. Up until maybe… two or three months ago you wanted to see her again. Pet her mane. Kiss her hooves. Carry her to work.

Blow a raspberry between her wings so her leg will do that adorable twitchy thing.

You did. But now you don't. The green pastures were empty and boring and sending you into deep delusions of times passed.

Corey was dead.

Mike was dead

Holy cow, Peter was REALLY dead.

You were the only one left after that trip. That black horse thingy cleared you and your squad out like a blockbuster going out of business. And then… and then…

" _ **Oh yes! Oh yes human! Take me! Breed your queen and take your rightful place as my king!"**_

Right. That. That attitude of crossing bridges when you got to them really helped you in this campaign. Trying not to think about what you're going to tell… HER when it hits the fan. Because you know it will. Celestia and Lulu can cover it up, but you know you'll slip. You'll be doing something really difficult and she'll come up from behind like she always did.

" _Where're the hoof trimmers, snoogums?"_

" _What's this letter for, boopy bear?"_

" _Did you really single handedly destroy queen Umbra when you were in the crystal empire, stud muffin?"_

No. In fact you didn't. They made that up at your request. Umbra could've turned you into a fine powder like she did everyone else in your squad. But you sated her just long enough for the rescue brigade to come and pluck your naked, shivering butt away from her. To say it was embarrassing was a lie. It was mortifying. The two demi god rulers of the land walking past your naked body while you sipped cocoa with the med team. Even after they detained the orgasm wracked, drooling umbra you were drilled for whatever info you had. Turns out she's a lot like most mares you've met.

A dash of sweet talk, a compliment here and a well practiced hoof message in the middle saved your life. And maybe Equestria. But if anyone asks, like the press, or friends, or high ranking generals, you cut her with a sword.

That's what being married is all about. Especially in stupid horse planet. If you weren't herding, you were married. And you weren't herding. Even if you wanted to, you couldn't make children. Which cut you out of whatever most mares were planning. Not even mentioning human women because, let's face it.

You're reading this. Which means you have no business getting a girl to like you.

You settled on a nice mare and got yourself a house a year or so ago. You married out of reflex really. You THOUGHT it was what you were supposed to do. But a stallion kindly corrected you when he said you're supposed to match the ratio. What was this ratio?

" _A mare for every time you masturbate in a week."_

Horses got under your skin. Even after your official citizenship test and the mental health test and that death match with umbra, ponies were still rightly spooked by humans. Trust was an issue. When it wasn't trust, it was rape.

Some mare somewhere started a rumor that a human can make a mare orgasm just from breathing on her. And a stallion if said human pats his back. You didn't touch many ponies anymore. Your wife and her some close friends. But nobody else. Especially the mares that followed you around back home. It was the worst in basic. Ponies have a thing for musk it would seem. For them it's a clear sign that a mare's in estrus or a stallion or mature enough to make foals. And when you're running six miles a day and sweating your pants off every single day with the mares watching from whatever vantage they could get, you got REALLY tired of cat calls.

Maybe all this remembering of lusty mares and training was something you did to ease your mind. You were scared good and proper after all. It be a challenge to go home to your Momma mare baby boo and lie to her face. Especially after all she promised to do for you. All you wanted to do was sit here and not have to face the music. You tried real hard to forget about your good chair at home. The coffee she specially bought for you at the market. The soft sheets of your bed that smelled just like that spot behind her ears. How she would squeak and blush and giggle like a little school filly when you talked dirty to her.

The train lurched to a steady stop in ponyville station. A lot of ponies stood on the platform to welcome you and the other stallions home. A lot. At least half the town was out there stomping their hooves and squealing in delight. Brothers, husbands, sons, fathers, all were coming home.

And there she was. Dancing on her hooves like she did when she got really, really happy. Standing with her friend Lyra and searching through the commotion for her hubby.

"Ponyville! Anypony from Ponyville! This is your stop! Thank you for serving!" The bluish conductor stallion chided, you and the other horses standing up in the alley. When you and the other boys stepped off it was like a hurricane suddenly appeared above. The monstrous roar of mares and fillies and colts tore into your ears with intense volume. The boys dissolved into the crowd, hugging and kissing and reuniting with their families. And you, one of the last humans this side of equestria were to do the same. Two or three steps into the crowd saw you assaulted instantly by a gray blob moving at super momma speeds.

"STUUUUUD!" Oh you remember that name. Usually her tubby butt would knock you and the air in your chest right down to the ground. But your new found muscle stopped her like a brick wall. Not that she cared. As long as she could get her front legs around your neck and bury her fuzzy little face in your chest, she was the happiest mare in equestria. You just held her. No words. No compromise. No holding back. Both of you broke down into sniffly tears and bone breaking hugs. A flash came from somewhere. A reporter taking your picture.

"I'm home momma… don't you cry no more."

"Snrk… snf… I-I missed you so bad stud muffin."

"Sh, Sh, Sh… I gotchya… I gotchya."

There was a giant party held in honor of the vets. Princess Twilight Sparkle was even there to give a speech in person. There was food and games and drink and family. Everything a red blooded stallion could want in his life.

Not you. Not now. You carried your precious cargo straight home. You had something's to do. You had a mare to "catch up" with. Sure you two could've had fun at the party. But you didn't care. Home. Home was where you wanted to be right now.

Derpy didn't mind one bit. Getting carried bridal style all the way home in her human's arms was something she dreamed about doing again for years now. And whether it was here or at some party she just didn't care. It was difficult to set her down. When you tried to put her in the bed she hung on with her wings and mouth. Tugging your jacket and shirt as if you were about leave once again. You weren't gonna. You laid with her in your army briefs and caught up on some much needed business. Bills. Her health. Your old job. Hoof messages. Back scratches. Mouth on mouth oral action. Mouth on needy horse labia action. Belly rubs. Ponut worshiping. You turned the tubby little mare into jelly as the sun began to set on that day. She stared up at you with tired eyes and drool on her cheeks. You stared down at her with eyes of need and a new body full of muscles. Being held down under you, your masculine musk filling her senses, her ignored teats pulsing against your abs. You now knew what heaven looked and felt like. Panting in each other's faces in the dim warmth of the room, you leaned forward and carefully placed a kiss on his snout.

"It's good to be home." She wiggled under you, kicking her legs slightly and rolling her face into yours.

"Please… d-don't leave me again."

"Never."

"Never ever?"

"Never ever, ever, ever, ever."

"Wow… that's four evers."

"Four-ever." She smiled sweetly, earning her another kiss. You held her head in your hand and let your mouths re-unite in a wet mess of mashing flesh and throaty noises of emotional bliss.

"Don't you worry Momma… Stud Muffin's gonna stay right here." You reassured, nibbling her neck and snuggling into the now sweaty blankets further. She squirmed and squeaked, her arms hugging so tight against you it was almost as if she could faze right through you. As if she could climb further and further until you were one. Until you both were whole again. In the haze you barely heard the doorbell. And in your chest you could feel a sudden bubbling rage.

" _Ding-dong!"_

"Are you kidding me?" You groaned into your mare's neck.

" _Ding-dong!"_

"Who could that be Stud?"

"Seriously do not care. Whoever they are they can wait."

" _Ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-DOOOOOOOOONG!"_

"Hold on Momma. I'll be right back." You said as coolly as you could with a flood of boiling rage behind you.

"Who is it? Were you expecting someone?"

"Currently I'm expecting this _"someone"_ to get a real talking to." You slipped on your undershirt and briefs, an unflattering wet spot growing into a small splotch just at the end of your concealed half chub. With a steady and well trained step, you went down the small flight of stairs and to the front door. Opening it, you were assaulted up front by the flashing of many cameras and the blasted sunlight. Before you, stood the princess herself, Twilight Sparkle. Her nose right at penis level from where she held her ground on your tiny stoop. And behind her, every reporter within thirty miles of Ponyville.

"Mr. Anon, I am prince-…" She stopped when she nearly planted a smooch on your groin, blushing like her head was going to burst and forcing herself to take a step back and give you some personal space. The reporters took maybe three pictures each before they all stopped talking and just stared at you. Then they caught a whiff of you.

"Yeah?" You called out, waiting for them to stop wasting your now valuable time. Still, they continued to stare at you. The majority of them being mares, you could immediately pick out those that caught the scent of a "busy" man.

"Um… uh… I-I am here on behalf of all of Equestria, to award you um… with this award!" She said with a breathtakingly awkward smile, presenting you with some golden metal looking thing on the end of a purple band. You took it and read the inscription.

" _Honor, Valiance, Bravery."_ It even came with a neat picture of a stallion with a sword. The ponies waited with baited breath for you to say something. Or at least smile.

"Great. What is it?" You asked.

"It's the… it's the highest honor in all of Equestria. The Metal of Royal Commemoration?"

"Uh-huh… you know I got a lot of metals right?" You say, pointing backwards into the house.

"I played sports back home. Got metals all the time."

"Anon, you're having a stained glass window dedicated to you in the royal castle. You got a metal from a princess. Aren't you… happy?" The lavender horse asked you while trying her diplomatic best to not scarf up the front row seat to your junk show.

"Yeah I'm absolutely thrilled. Can I go back to bed now?" Silence. Pure silence.

"Mr. Human?! Is it customary for humans to get metals in the human world?!" A reporter called out.

"Are you not supporting the war in the Tundra anymore?!"

"Do you not support Princess Twilight's latest bill on human sexual rights?!"

"Mr. Human, how much bitter ass hole coffee do you drink a day?!" You may be used to be people and horses shouting at you after years in the military. But that by no means meant you enjoyed it.

"Thanks for the metal or whatever guys. But my feet hurt."

"Aren't you going to say something? Shake my hoof, give a speech, anything?" The princess asked in utter confusion. You rolled your eyes at them all.

"Alright. Here's my speech… thanks. Now leave me alone." You slammed the door in their face, putting the metal on the kitchen counter next to the sink. You'll deal with that later.


	2. Chapter 2

2.

Ooooooh… what a lovely dream. A pillow-y wonderland of plushness and beauty beyond comprehension. A never ending cataclysm of benevolence and warm love that washed over you like the ever crashing tide at the shores. You could leap around like this for hours. Leap around all over her belly and bounce off that marshmallow gut like a trampoline until the end of time. Face-fulls of giant tufts of silky grey fur. Your sense of smell and taste completely overwhelmed by her feminine musk and her delicious mouth respectfully.

What joy. What mirth. What flowing, gliding sensational weightlessness and-

" _MEEP, MEEP, MEEP, MEEP!"_ Great.

You stir awake and grumble in the same motion, both arms wrapped around your mare in the warm light of the soft morning. The sun was barely even ready to peak over the horizon, the weak light easy on the eyes.

But you didn't care. You grabbed the clock and bashed it into the nightstand until it silenced itself. With great satisfaction in your heart and some fragments of broken plastic, you sank back into the covers and buried your face into the back of your love's head.

So soft… so warm.

"Mmh… good morning stud." Your beautiful mare chirped into her pillow.

"Real good." You chide, nuzzling deeper into her rearward tuft of intensely fragrant mane. She cooed in soothing little tones, inviting you to delve deeper and deeper into her personal space and enjoy yourself as much as you could.

"What day is it honey muffin?" You asked.

"Nnng… T-Tuesday." She sighed.

"You have work, Momma?"

"Mh-hm." You grumbled and pulled her closer, both your arms around her barrel and your hands gripping her adorable hooves.

"Uuuuugh… I really gotta give you up until five?" She squirmed at your warm breath washing over her thick equine neck, her wings attempting to beat against you and the covers.

"I-I know stud… I can try and get out at four thirty. If I run."

"No, you don't gotta do that." You assured, rubbing on her rotund belly while her hoof clung to the back of your hand.

"You do what you gotta do, Momma Mare." You put a nibble onto her ear, taking the fuzzy little appendage into your teeth and giving it the slightest nip you could muster. She loved that. The yip she gave made your most inner parts stir warmly.

"Yessums, Stud." She started wiggling like she wanted out, you unhappily uncoiling your arms from around her fuzz like shackles releasing a hesitant prisoner. She slithered out and you did the same, standing with her and rubbing your face with a grizzled hand. She sauntered off with those _wiiiiiiiiide hips._ Wobbling the way they do with two sets of bubbles on either side to further accentuate those gray mounds of child bearing goodness. The amount of times you've sewn a fruitless seed into that warm, plush garden far escapes you these days. Many a time you've planted what you could knowing that nothing would be born from your efforts. Derpy, being her rather childish self, still believed strongly that if you kept trying perhaps one day she would give you the family you and her always dreamed of.

Truth be told, whether it was kids or foals or whatever, you wanted a large family. Especially with Derpy, your everlasting and shining brightness in this confusing world.

Suddenly you had an erection. And the sound of the shower squeaking was the only thing that could pull you out of the deeper haze you put yourself into. Oh if only. If only you had the time to sneak in there with her. Embrace in the water and give her a most ravenous of lickings. But no. You really had some pressing issues to take care of. A grumble and a few steps later you were downstairs in some old clothes. Ones that barely fit you anymore. You fixed a small breakfast of coffee and tap water for yourself. You wouldn't be gone long. At least you didn't think you'd be. The freshly brewed _"bitter ass hole coffee"_ you missed so much lit up your brain in pure nostalgia and happiness. Drinking nothing but army issue tea for years and years is no way to treat a proud human male such as yourself. You put on your honorary general coat, still starched and stiff. It may have clashed hard with your casually ripped jeans and old Chuck Taylors, but you were currently throwing that issue in the "Fuck it" bucket.

You stepped outside with a mug and set out for your old place of work, taking in the sweet summer sun and softly blowing wind against your features. What a beautiful time to be alive. Home, sun, mares, coffee. No wonder people hardly ever did drugs in Equestria. You stepped through the town tiredly, mostly ignoring the throngs of ponies saluting you. A grumble came from your stomach when you stepped into the market, another rather nostalgic sensation gracing your face.

Apples. Apple pie. Cider. Hay. Stallion sweat. Oh you had to have some. Big Mac's stall was open for business, he was always the first on shift. All alone with naught but his big baskets of apples and barrels of liquid gold. You would count the mares that visited him, but ever since he didn't get drafted he lost a lot of his fame.

Poor guy. He couldn't help it of course. You fail the literacy test and you won't get far with the services. He would've been perfect too. Goodness knows how many of your own men you would've traded for one Big Mac in the war.

Regardless, you felt the need to fuel the apple family business some. You stepped up to his counter, his hooded eyes and cool demeanor remaining quite stoic even in the sight of a metal winning war hero.

"Mac."

"Anon." You bumped fist to hoof, leaning against the counter of his wooden stand.

"How goes the business? You finally expand into pears like I said you should?"

"Ya'll have ma permission ta shut yur mouth about now." You smirked, digging into your pocket for bits.

"Have it your way Mac." You put 5 coins on the table.

"Give me one of those fritters. _Extra_ cinnamon." Man nodded simply and deposited a warm, fresh pastry in a bag for you like a good friend should. However, when he placed it on the counter for you, he took the liberty of sliding your money into the bag with it.

"Your money ain't no good here, Pal." He said with an ever so slight smirk.

"Hey man, I'm just trying to compensate you for your product. You keep doing this and the entire free market's gonna collapse." He stared at you as he usually did. Quietly. Which meant he didn't get it.

"Take it. You deserve it after what ya'll done." You sighed at that.

It stung a little more than you wanted it to.

"Thanks. I'll take it this one time. But after this you best be taking my money."

"We'll have to see about that." You grumbled and grabbed your stuff. Before you could even turn to leave, Mac tapped a hoof on the counter.

"Before ya'll head on yer way, Applejack done asked me to ask ya somethin'."

"Great. But you know the answer already." You said flatly.

"Ah know. But she wanted me to ask. Since you were back in town and all." Mares. Apparently when they spot a male they like, they don't let go. Every now and again you got questions about herding. Lord knows why, but you did. The apples were one especially, even before you were drafted. That Applejack could NOT leave you alone. Every other day it used to be.

" _Ya'll ever get the need for another mare, ya know where to find me!"_

" _Howdy partner! You been thinkin' about startin' that heard yet?"_

" _Listen, I know yer pretty committed to that mare. But it ain't wrong to get lonely. Nopony gonna look at ye weird if ya'll go on and get yerself another one too. Specially if she owns a farm and got her own house fer ya!"_

Sure there were other mares that liked you. But they all would eventually get the message that you would rather keep your shame between you and just one mare. But few were as persistent as AJ.

"Give her uh… a definite maybe." Mac simply nodded and let you on your way. At least he understood. At least you had breakfast. Now you could focus on something much more important. Walking into the center of town, just past the town hall, you pushed your way into the place you used to toil away inside every day.

The Fiddlin' Filly. A quaint little newspaper publisher that was so gracious as to give you a job long ago. You couldn't write too well back then. But when you bluffed about having a degree in journalism from the human world they said they could at least give you a chance.

Good thing too. Otherwise you'd be working for Applejack.

You pushed that terrible thought from your mind and step into the small building. The sounds of tacking and typing and printing and slapping and clinking and all others crashed into your ears like you remember. You were really home now. The ponies didn't look up from the presses or the typewriters, far too busy to be distracted with just any old human walking in. The only pony that took notice to you at all was your old boss, Pretty Penny. A yellowish mare with auburn hair, the embodiment of a brick of flan really. She wasn't tubby or jiggly like your wife, but she certainly WAS smooth. She ran her herd like a queen. You'd seen it too, she ruled her stallion like a slave almost. Not that it was any of your business of course. You just worked for her. But that dominant mare in her was very crafty in rearing her head every now and again with you.

"Well, well, well. Lanky, loose and limp finally returns." She mewls at you, narrowing her eyes and sauntering up.

"Penny. Good to see you too." You said cooly, stroking her under the chin like she enjoyed.

"Oooooh… that's the place Nonny." She cooed, her hooves clopping happily on the hard wood floor.

"How's life been treating you, hero?" She asked facetiously.

"It's been nothin' but peaches, Penny. Sat around all day and didn't do anything for 2 years. Basically welfare if you ask me."

"Uh-huh, that's great sweet heart. But I have a professional hunch that you're not here to shoot the breeze about the weather or the army. You want your job back, don't ya?" You put your hands in your pockets, dragging your feet bashfully.

"Well, Ms. Pretty Penny. I understand your business is indeed stocked with good ponies that do their jobs better than any old human. But I'd very much like it if you could try and fit me in for some work." She wiggles her eye brows, magicing a small clipboard to her vision and tapping a pen on her tongue.

"Hm… let me see here." She scanned up and down the small piece of paper, swishing her tail happily behind her bony rump.

"Hm… yes, yes. Very good. Mr. Anon, it seems that in your absence we've been legally obligated to hold your job. So let me be the first to say, congratulations." She tucks the clipboard back onto a nearby desk, extending a hoof towards you.

"Welcome to the Fiddlin' Filly. I'm sure you've heard about us." You took her hoof and shook it, rolling your eyes somewhat tiredly.

"I'm more of a Foal Free Express reader." She snickered with an evil grin, matching your own smile.

"Oh Anon. If you weren't such a free ride I'd fire the heck out of you just for that."

"Free ride?"

"Yes of course. With a war hero working for the paper, we'll be the first to get the whole story from the source!" She slapped you in the chest with a pad and pen, letting you get a hold of it.

"Get to your desk and start writing, sweet heart. We need a paragraph for each paper, leave out the boring parts."

"Uh…"

"Have what you got on my desk by Friday. Chop, chop." She turned to clop off, you grabbing hold of her rear hoof.

"Uh-uh ma'am." You goaded, bringing her back towards you.

"Anon please. I'm already in a herd." She chided with an inkling of annoyance.

"What a shame. I'm not starting until tomorrow." She raised an eye brow at you, watching you tuck the pad and pen in your pockets.

"Pardon?"

"I need today to get some things in order. I'll have the writing done, but I need to start tomorrow." She didn't pull her gaze from you. Just shooting you the same leer.

"Anon, do you want your old job or not? If you're home and not working I can fire you for not being here."

"Then mark this up as a vacation day."

"You don't have any vacation days."

"Sick day."

"None of those."

"Then just count me as late. Because I need today to get somethings done."

"Can it not just wait till the weekend?!" She groaned, rubbing her eyes with a hoof.

"If you're gonna insist on taking up space, you NEED to be doing some work Anon."

"Take it or leave it, Penny. I'll be here bright and early tomorrow to write my segment." She stares at you through slowly narrowing eyes. Intense orbs of white and chocolate brown that burned deeper and deeper into your chest with a searing distrust. You'd seen that look too many times to be afraid anymore.

"Alright fine." She relented.

"Your segments better be good, Anon."

"Oh trust me. They'll be good. As long as I can have my job back of course."

"Just please, make us some money. The Foal Free Press has been kicking our flanks all up and down Ponyville after that story they ran last week. "Learn to fly with RainbowDash", can't believe I didn't think of that first!" You stepped out with your things, yawning softly with content. Employment secured, now for firewood. August heat would fade soon enough. And now was the only good time you could think of to go and get yourself some logs for cheap. Only problem was… well the pony that was selling it.

Fluttershy.

Much like Applejack, she didn't get the hint that you weren't herding. She didn't pursue you like AJ did, that would be much too brash for her. But she did indeed cast her line every time you came within her sight to try and lure you into her buttery arms. Walking down the steamy hot path towards her cottage saw many animals following you. Squirrels hopping from one tree to the next to keep a keen eye on you. Ground hogs running far past you to alert their master to your arrival. Birds singing loudly and filling the air with their "he's here" siren. Unsettling was the best word you could use to describe it.

When you finally did arrive, the pink maned mare herself emerged from her front door with the sweetest of smiles on her face.

"A-anon? Anon is that really you?" She squeaked, her wings fluttering and flapping at the very thought.

"Yeah. The one and only." She danced on her hooves anxiously for a moment, watching you approach and stop a few feet from her door. You saw her nostrils flare at you scent wafting towards her. Your now sweaty body emanating outwards in every direction to give any single mares quite the prompt to harass you.

"O-o-oh my goodness. Did you come to finally ask me to-"

"No, no. I just need some firewood."

"And maybe… maybe another mare?"

"Firewood."

"Right, right… but if I were to throw in a kiss you wouldn't be offended, would you?"

"I would."

"Oh. No kiss then?"

"No."

"Maybe a hug?"

"I need to buy some wood and that's it."

"Well… if you insist Anon." She closed the door behind her and motioned you to follow. You both trotted towards the rear of the house towards a large pile of wood, flanked on either side by wheel barrows and cutesy hatchets.

"The usual price. A bit per log… unless you maybe wanna… give me a kiss. Then I could go half a bit per log."

"I think I'm alright." A beaver waggled up to fluttershy and babbled in her ear. She listened intently while the small mammal whispered quietly to her. When he finally stopped doing whatever beavers do to talk, she peered back up towards you.

"Okay. I can do… maybe zero bits per log. If you give me a kiss."

"Fluttershy."

"Final offer. Mr. Beaver says I-I should use economics to try and get what I want." You glare at that beaver like you had the intent to gut and eat it. Truth be told, at a bit per log, you wouldn't be able to afford much. The amount of money you were given in the army wasn't exactly a fortunes worth retiring on. If the wood were free, heck, you could stock the house for the winter and not break your wallet in half. After chewing on your lip for a brief moment, you relented.

"Alright. No tongue, no moaning. And I'm not keeping my eyes open." She squeaked and blushed wildly, the slightest of happy smiles cracking her snout.

"Nnng, yes, yes yes!" She hissed under her breath. You kneel down and sigh, the Pegasus puckering up and lifting her head up towards your face for her reward. It was pretty hard to do in the first place, but even more difficult with all her animal friends looking on from the sidelines. Waiting, expecting, watching. You steel yourself and go in, giving the marshmallow horse her smooch on the lips. Her mouth was soft and warm like any other pony's, but shaky and quivering like a leaf in the wind. Her scent flooded your nostrils, a mix of marish need and earthy potency that had sunk into every fiber of her fur and feather.

When you started to pull away, she only followed, her long and flat tongue pushing out and into your mouth invasively. You grunt and grab hold of her by the shoulders, pulling her wide eyed face back while her animals clapped for their friend finally getting some sugar.

"Hey, hey, hey! I said no tongue."

"Oh… sorry. Just got a little carried away."

"I'd say." You grabbed a goofy looking hatchet, putting a hand cautiously on a log.

"So it's free now?" You asked. Fluttershy pulled her mane over her eyes, licking her lips repeatedly.

"Um… yes. Yes it is."

"Great." You grumbled, splitting a log with the hatchet and throwing it into a nearby wheel barrow. You continued minding your own business for a few seconds. A few seconds of long overdue peace and hard work to keep your family warm. Sometime into your chopping you found a damp cloth being pressed into your head. Raising your eyes ever so slightly saw a pony arm gently swabbing your forehead with a cool wash cloth.

"You looked kinda… sweaty there Anon." Fluttershy says with a meek smile. You glare back must've been enough to melt steel beams, because you've never seen the horse jerk herself away from you THAT fast. You got your logs and started off without saying goodbye. You were gonna give the wheel barrow back as soon as you could and she knew that. But at the same time, you were already dreading the idea. Mostly because Fluttershy was sniffing the rag she rubbed on your face like a cocaine addict.

You got the pile back home and started stacking it in the cellar, hoping to goodness that you would just be left alone. What a pipe dream. Half way through laying the wood in a nice, cool corner of the room, the sound of hooves clopping against your small stone pathway reached your ears. You didn't predict it to be anyone you actually liked.

"Whoa! Dude it's really you!" A boyish voice squealed. Next thing you knew, you had a Labrador sized, tangerine horse prancing at your feet.

"Holy moly! Dude you got so freakin' huge!" She mewled, pawing at your jacket with her hoof.

"Scootaloo." You greeted simply, watching as the teenaged filly pulled at your fancy coat.

"Oh Anon! Dude you gotta tell me all about it! Did you get to use a sword?! Did you really get a metal?! OH, OH, OH! Did you kill somepony?! I gotta know!" You pushed her off gently, wiping more sweat from your brow.

"Not now. I'm a little busy at the moment." She didn't relent, wagging her tail and dancing on her hooves.

"Aw come on man! I haven't seen you in like, ever!"

"Well aware of that Scoot. But I gotta get some things done right now." She barely flinched at the utter denial you threw at her.

"How about we talk later? You can tell me all about it over like, dinner or something. It'll be so cool!" You rolled your eyes and pulled off your fancy jacket, letting your muscles and sweaty form cool off in the dim light of the dank basement. You set it down on an old wooden chair next to the filly.

"Alright, later. We'll meet up or something and I'll tell you all you wanna know." She visibly held in her explosive side, jumping in place and beating her growing wings.

"YEAH! Oh yes it's gonna be so freakin' awesome!" She jumped up and knocked over the chair, sending the royal hero's jacket into the mucky, stagnant water.

"Oh… oh crap. S-sorry Anon." She said, her tail pulling in against her butt and her wings folding down tightly against her sides. If you felt that maybe you even came close to earning that thing, you'd feel bad. You'd cringe at the thought of such a proper, priceless, rare piece of history falling into the water and essentially being ruined. But you didn't earn it. In fact, all it really did was remind you.

Remind you of THAT.

"Eh… take it." You grunted, going back to work.

"What?!"

"You can have it if you want it. I already got a metal." The second you blinked she was already over in the puddle putting the now soggy jacket on herself. It was awkward and clunky at first, but once she eventually worked her wings into your arm holes, she looked as comfortable as a bug in a rug.

"Anon… thanks man! This is the coolest gift I ever got!" She said with a sappy smile. She put her little legs around your shin, squeezing tight in a hug you wished you could enjoy.

"Yeah… no problem kiddo." You grumbled, patting her purply mane with a gentle hand. At least you didn't have to deal with the jacket anymore. At least you could begin to try and forget.

Deciding shortly after that you were done with getting harassed by rouge horses, you went back into your cozy home. Cleaning the house where you could. Making the bed. Shaving the mountains of hair that grew on you. Turns out the Equestrian military doesn't issue razors as standard kit. One could only imagine why. You had to say, you looked pretty good when you were finally able to clean up. Finally scrub off the dirt and the sweat and the age to reveal your once young and vigorous face. Besides the gnarly scar and a few other dents and dings, nothing much had changed. Still the same Anon. Still the same man. At least on the outside.

Your mare came home right when she said she would. Waltzing into your lovely and warm house with her mail-mare uniform upon her barrel and her adorable hat slightly askew on her hideously giant head.

"Hubby! Hubby bub! I'm hoooome!" She called out, clopping her way into the living room and removing her clothes to get more comfortable. You had finished dinner for her, putting the plates on the table just as she trotted into the dining room. She squeaked in surprise, her big, strong, handsome human setting out plates covered in mountains of spiced hay piles, almond oil doused salad, cranberry jelly and to top it all off, a tall, sweaty glass of Yippity™ Chocolate Milk. Even if she was hungry, salivating and craving a home cooked meal to share with her beloved, that was not what captivated the mare. You looked down to her in your thin, low cut undershirt. Wearing only that and your most comfortable briefs so you could fully enjoy being casual at home once more.

"Derpy." You said simply, walking around the table to her and embracing the flabbergasted horse monster.

"Hey Momma. Welcome home." You said into her neck, squeezing and lifting the Pegasus into your arms. She wiggled only slightly and blushed hard in your hold. Still, she could hardly believe it was really you. Really the same human that held her night after night for so long. Cared and loved her. Protected her from the monsters under the bed and in the closet. Praised her for simply being the best she could be. And gave her wing messages even the spa ponies couldn't begin to imitate. She hugged you ultra-tight, her little legs squishing around your neck and face. Your breath cut off, all you could possibly perceive was gray.

"H-hi honey." She croaked, burying her nose in your ear. You let her down just slightly. Just enough to see over her wonderfully soft, warm body.

"You have a good day at work, Momma?" You asked quietly, pulling out a chair with your leg and attempting to sit her in it. She wouldn't have any of that nonsense.

"Yessums. Especially since you got here." She said with her big, golden eyes that were squeezing up to keep the tears in. You smirked, the mare not letting herself down into the chair no matter how far down you leaned.

"Momma? Don't you wanna have some dinner?" She shook her head, licking your chin.

"I want you." Was all she said. You smiled to her and cradled her tighter in your arms.

"A mare's gotta eat."

"It'll be here when I'm done with you." She giggled, her blush intense and deep below her fine, silky fur. You gave the best smug grin you could, using your new and powerful muscles to carry her out of the room and to the stairs.

"You know, I suppose you're right, Derpums." How foolish of you to think that'd she'd have anything else on her mind. Even before you left, she showed a lot of separation anxiety. She could work and function, sure. But that didn't mean she had to like it. And two straight years of no human? No back rubs? No being carried around like a big baby filly? Surely you jest. If it were up to Derpy, even thinking about such a thing would be illegal and punishable to the fullest extent of the law. Far as she was concerned, stallions were put on this Earth to love mares. And mares were put on this Earth to love stallions.

You noticed her melting into your arms while you carted her around like she was a small stack of papers. Her whole body shifting to snuggle into your pecs and shirt. Her wings folded in around herself and your arm, making absolute sure she had a grip on what was rightfully hers. You pushed open the door to the "nest" as she called it, plopping your rump down on the mattress with her.

That's when things got real.

At the sensation of being set down on something soft and warm and perfectly adept for making love, the mare sprang to life in your arms. She smiled and neighed giddily, hopping out of your arms and prancing around you on her happy hooves. You got her by the cheek and brought her in for a kiss before she did her third overly excited trot around you. She still wiggled and squirmed like a fish out of water, her wings flapping erratically and her tail swishing in utter elation. Her tongue met yours in a clash or organs, forcing its way into familiar territory. She moaned and grunted and nickered in your mouth, having no restraint on her marish needs for you. Not that you weren't eager to oblige. You pulled her down to her back and rolled on top of her, only cutting off your locking of lips for a moment.

She clasped her thick thighs and hearty back legs to your hips, her burning wetness soaking into your undies like her spit did into your face. She breathed hard and deep, her hot breaths shooting out over your face and washing over you like a much needed breeze of motivation. You broke it once more for a breath of air, smooching down her neck towards her chest. She gasped and panted, clearly bothered and needy even this early into the session she had flung you both into. But, much to your surprise, before you could reach her supple, swollen teats for the tried and true foreplay she seized your head in both her hooves.

"A-anon!" She gasped, stopping you right as you planted your lips on her left nipple.

"Uh… yes, dear?" You asked awkwardly to the utterly destroyed mare. She recomposed herself for a brief moment, swallowing and biting her lips.

"Please… just… ooooh please!" She struggled, bucking and squirming still.

"I don't wanna wait for it!" She begged, pulling you upwards towards her face. She could never move you by her own strength, meaning you had to crawl up to her. You touched noses and stroked her cheek, helping to calm her down.

"Put babies in me, Anon." She gasped, once again clasping her legs to you.

"I wanna… I wanna have your foals." You sighed and buried your face in her neck, knowing very well where this was going to go. A fruitless effort. A meaningless waste of time. A disappointment to you both.

But that didn't mean you weren't gonna try.

"Yes, Momma." Was all you said, before the "efforts" commenced for the night.


	3. Chapter 3

3.

 _~ Two Weeks Pass ~_

" _We lay in the snow for three days at a time. Staring out into vast fields of nothingness and waiting for the slightest bit of variation to awaken us from our icy slumber. Three days before everyone would emerge simultaneously so camp could be made. Because the men were not permitted to move, many fell asleep by the third day. You'd never realize this until someone didn't report for role. I recall many an instance where we set about with shovels in hopes of digging up out friends that had been buried in their sleep. Yes, we rescued plenty men. But there were plenty that were also not._

 _The vile Queen Umbra's disgusting minions roamed in packs during the war. Trotting about the snow in wraith like shapes with rigid formation. In total, we engaged four packs of the warriors over seven months._

 _Magically animated as they may have been, it mattered not. To slay the underlying body was enough to relieve the enslaved spirit within of it's insidious burden. I claimed eight by the end of the war. Some of my friends at the time would go as high as twenty. Even twenty five. But it wasn't wailing moans of the spirits, the spilling of my fellow human's blood, or the tortuous separation of myself from my family that truly traumatized me. It was Anon. Anon. Ano-"_

"Anon! Wake up in there, boy!" Pretty Penny pestered, prodding you in the side as you stared blankly into your type writer. You shook your head and rubbed your eyes, looking down at the petite mare.

"Golly goodness Anon. You'd think with all that coffee you'd be a little more attentive."

"What is it Penny? I was in my groove." The pale colored mare only rolled her eyes at you, plopping a manila envelope on your desk. You took it and undid the small clasp at the very top, pulling out the single piece of paper.

"We need this story covered. And since every good reporter we have is out interviewing veterans, you're all we got left."

"I have a column to write."

"And we're all very proud of you for that, but we need a little bit more than the weather and a single paragraph to sell papers." You read the small paper she placed before you. Skimming through the small leaflet of information you were allotted.

"A zebra huh? That's new."

"She's apparently some kind of cook or whatever. Somepony suggested we go ask her about some recipes."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. Seriously." You rolled your eyes and groaned, standing yourself up and snapping your suspenders. You grabbed your note pad and good pen, inserting both into your shirt pocket.

"Put on a smile, act polite and please, try and get a good story out of this."

"I always do, don't I?" She rolled her eyes at you, her look probably enough to melt glass.

"Just get out of here monkey boy." You stopped listening. You sauntered out of there and grabbed your hat off the rack.

You wish you had your sunglasses right about now. The sun beat down on you like an angry vulture, picking and pecking at your shoulders and neck with its accursed heat. You could tolerate it without having to dress like this, but a dress shirt and slacks and black loafers turned you into an oven. You tolerated it, but goodness knew you didn't want to.

This zebra, who's name completely escaped you, had only spoken to you once before. A long time ago when you first got here with a batch of other humans. You still remember where she lived too, right on the edge of that creepy, daunting forest right on the cusp of Ponyville. She stuck out in your mind, mostly because… well she was just so different. An African, rhyming, zebra lady that surrounded herself with smelly potions in the woods? Pretty distinctive.

You crossed over from the pretty green grass of Ponville into the dark undergrowth of the Everfree. The whooping of birds ringing in your ears from some unknown vantage point in the trees above. Bugs of every kind zoomed and zipped about your face. Creeping predators scoured through the dense underbrush around you, rustling a stray fern every now and again to alert you to their sinister presence. Ponies may have been scared by all that. But not you. You were no prey animal. You were the alpha predator here.

The single point of light on the forest floor drew you closer and closer. The zebra's mud hut. Approaching it carefully and quietly, you gave the shabby wooden door three hard knocks. It almost rattled off of it's old, rusty hinges, but still gave off the noise you were looking for.

"Uh… ma'am?" You called out.

"I'm a reporter with the Fiddlin' Filly newspaper! Is it okay if I come in?" Nothing. A long silence followed your obnoxious banging. You sighed and rubbed your head, giving it another go.

"Ma'am? Miss Zebra?"

"Right here, human boy." Came a deep, feminine voice from behind you. Your head swiveled back towards the offending equine, catching her with a burlap hood over her head and some sort of sack hanging off her side.

"I'd be pleased to speak with you, it sounds like a joy." You adjusted your now sweaty hat, pensively standing there in the mud and bugs.

"Um… great. You wanna head inside?"

"Yes, that I would adore. Would you like a drink, or perhaps something more?" She crooned, wiggling her eye brows while one of her hooves opened the door for you two. With a scowl and a weird sensation worming in your stomach, you ducked under the door frame and crouched inside. The place was cramped and stinky, covered with wooden masks and pots and bottles and all manner of things. Plants hung in nets and baskets and bowls, either ground into a fine paste or stinking terrible of rotten mint. You cringed while she undressed, the lithe, mature Zebra turning to face you from the other side of a grand, boiling pot.

"So, we at the Fiddlin' Filly are curious. We were wondering, what exactly do you do?" You asked, pulling your note pad and pen out. She smiled at you, her eyes scanning you up and down with a scientist's scrutiny.

"I don't have much to say I fear. But I think I see another reason that you came out here."

"Pardon?" You asked with a mean dead pan, the little horse thingy trotting up to you. She swirled and circled around you, eyeing up every last little detail of your form. Dress, scent, probable weight.

"Excuse me, but-"

"You seek something dear to you. Something to bring you closer to somepony… but who?"

"Can we just talk about the potions?"

"Oh but it's not potions you need. It's the ability… to breed." She hissed, her eyes narrowing at you with an all too knowing stare. Your face didn't change from the previous glare of disinterest and mild irritation. All you did was kneel to be face to face with her.

"What're you on about?" You seethed. She giggled to herself, reaching up to your shoulder with a hoof.

"I have seen this before. Many stallions like you have come to my door. What they want, they cannot obtain. Much to their herd's distain."

"Keep talking."

"A moment, is all I require. And I can give you and Derpy… what you desire." Your noses were almost touching. Both of you leaning in so close to each other to keep up the intense mood that you were quite enjoying. You smelt something fishy on her. You felt something odd in your gut. Something about this just seemed too good to be true. Especially since she knew who you were hitched to.

But you were willing to give it a shot.

"Do it. I'll pay whatever price." She backed off slightly, wagging her tail and gallivanting to her little table.

"I have it prepared. It's no accident that today we were paired." You followed after her to the tiny table. Before you, lay a tiny glass vile of glowing blue liquid.

"What's in this?" You asked cautiously.

"Whatever there needs to be. For you and your wife to sew the seed."

"And you KNOW it works?"

"I've made it for many. It should give you "spunk" a plenty." She said with another suggestive eye brow wiggle. You bit your lip and rubbed your forehead, looking over the small drink once again.

"How much?"

"No charge, for a friend of a friend. I will get my own reward in the end." You take the thing without question. Except… maybe one of course.

"How do you know all this?" You ask with the slightest simmer of suspicion. She flicks one of her ears, patting your leg with a hoof.

"Derpy and I share the same route… and she's quite admirable of you to boot." You roll your eyes and tuck the drink away safely, adjusting your sweaty shirt.

"Thanks… I can't tell you how much I appreciate this."

"It is my pleasure, dear chum. Now, how about that story for which you have come?" You take a deep breath and sit in a tiny pony chair.

"Let's hear it."

Penny was satisfied with your column. Zecora was a very interesting character indeed. She told you all sorts of things about boring botany and what not. Carrying on for hours about how to pick her herbs and what not to do when giant bees attack and what that weirdly sulfur like smell was in her crawl space. A story there was, a story you wrote. And upon returning to Penny you were rewarded for your efforts. A brief flick of her tail, a wry pat on the rump and a sultry grin that would leave most stallions drooling on their hooves.

Mares. They think they're so smooth.

You didn't need a well calculated plan, or a laboriously manicured set of hooves or even decent table manners. All you needed was the mare. That grey, bubbly marshmallow honey. The pudge-a-dums of snuggle palace herself. Coming home was an experience you hungered for desperately. Walking through the streets with the setting sun at your back and the cobble below your feet. Sweat on your brow and a single objective on your mind. Give Momma her sugar. Just as always she was so excited to see you come through that door. The jittery high of you being home had died down in the last few days, but her general puppy like manner was there to stay. She reveled in having you.

You two shared a lovely dinner that she prepared. Munching away and making idle conversation about your day. A good way to relax, to be casual, to be open. Your shirt and hat were gone. Leaving only your exposed upper form and work slacks. You noticed (even with her eyes being the way they were) that she absolutely ogled your new figure. Even still. Even after having many a chance to lick and suckle and nuzzle and cuddle it as much as she like.

You returned the favor of course. A mare's hips are meant to be enjoyed.

You wiped your mouth and cleared your plate from the table, stacking it with hers next to the sink before turning about to address the now sleepy mare.

"Honey?" You say, getting her attention in the form of a lazy ear perking in your direction.

"Why don't you go lay down upstairs? I'll get this cleaned up." She turned her head and looked at you in confusion, lifting her chin from the table.

"But… but I always clean up after nummies." She said innocently.

"Yeah, yeah. But I can get it this time. I mean, you must be exhausted after working so hard today." You said this while stepping closer to her. Slowly but surely meandering you way up to the squishy mare while she stared you in the belly button.

"Oh well, I'm not _that_ tired." She said with a giggle, turning her head to look away from you. Her blush betrayed her thoughts however, something you exploited to the maximum by putting an arm under her mane and curving it around her neck. Her wings fluttered against her back, resisting the urge to extend in undoubtedly raunchy joy.

"C'mon Momma. There's no shame in needing a good nap after such a hard, looooooong day of trottin' around." You growl into her ear and let your breaths run over her rotund skull. The fur on her back began to stand on end, her breaths hitching in her throat and her front legs pawing desperately at the table cloth.

"O-oh my. Anon please." She squirmed, still smiling as wide as possible and flicking her ear against your grinning lips. You only pulled her in tighter, letting her golden mane tuck in under your chin.

"Get some rest, baby girl. I'll be up in no time." You finish with a gentle kiss right into her ear. Pushing aside the silky fur and the firm flesh to caress her little flap with all the affection you could muster. She shuttered and let out something between a moan and mewl, her wings unfolding in a restrained, slow manner.

"Yessums, Anon." She says, her wings fluttering unhappily as you uncurl yourself from around her. She watches you go back to the sink, waddling her fat ass out of the chair. She watched your every move while walking up the stairs, wagging her tail and already pumping the room full of a heady female musk.

Finally alone, you drew a deep breath and uncorked your hidden concoction. The brilliant blue sizzled out of the top, a wispy trail of steam rising up and slowly dissolving into the air not too long after. The smell was over powering. Even at arm's length, the horrible stench of rotten peat moss, putrefied potatoes and sour wine shot itself up your nose with intensely hateful intent.

"Damn… this oughta' be good." You crooned, continuously staring at the tiny bottle as if to psyche it out. You stepped just a wee bit closer to the sink, in the case that maybe your special drink wanted to become a "special mess". Bringing it closer to your lips, it only got worse. The smell growing ten times stronger and threatening to make you gag.

But for Derpy, you were nothing but persistent. And with the thought of such a chubby mare waiting for you once again, you steeled yourself. You downed in one shot like a cup of cough syrup, pouring it straight past the tongue and trying your hardest not to wretch. Gag you did, cough you would. But it stayed down. You put a hand to your stomach to feel that it was seated in you. Resting in your gut and going to work with whatever arcane force programed into it by your striped friend. You wiped your mouth and lurched again, the forces that be telling your body to get that stuff out of you by any means necessary.

You even did the dishes still. Groaning and belching with a terrible stew brewing in you, itching to force itself free from your body. In desperation you sipped some tea and had a good sit down. Rubbing your head on and off to try and make the pulsing go away.

And just like that, it was gone. You felt clear again. You could see perfectly, move freely, go about your business unbound by the rot in your stomach. Shrugging it off, you finished up the cleaning and began a purposely slow step up the stairs. You bed room door was the first on the left. A cozy little nest where she most likely lay. Your heavy steps made the stairs groan and creek, signaling that you were on your way to make things happen. And you knew she could hear it. You knew she loved that sound. If all the sudden shifting in your room was any sign, she was busying herself with dolling up the bed. You smiled and opened the door, the light of the hall blasting into the dimly lit room before you. That wouldn't last long. You shut the door quite surely and looked her in the eyes. Only a pile of carefully and lovingly arranged blankets and pillows between you two.

"You took a long time." She squeaked, somewhat hiding behind her newly constructed pillow fort. You smirked and advanced on her, towering over the marshmallow mare even when crawling into the bed on all fours.

"Well, you want it done fast? Or do you want it done well?" You joked, sliding over her silken collection of comforters. She giggled at your words, meeting your face for a soft smooch on the lips.

"I know you always do a super duper job Anon." She coos, wiggling about and wagging her tail from side to side. You smile and stay in place, letting her do all the nuzzling and kissing on your face.

"Yeah? Well why don't I show you?" You growl, giving her a surprisingly aggressive lick on her nose. She squeaks and backs away for a moment or so, her hooves dancing in place on the bed spread.

"A-anon you're making me blu-"

"Oh I intend to do way more than just make you blush, Momma." She twiddles her hooves at your words, her tail now lifting itself from her rotund rear.

"Really?"

"Yes. Really." You reach out and grab her shoulder surely, pulling yourself forward and sliding her now totally limp bodice under yourself. Her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, derping all about in excited little twitches while her smile pursed itself close to contain her high pitched whine of approval.

"I'm gonna ruin you tonight, baby. You're gonna wonder how you'll walk again when I'm done with you." You seethed into her ear and squeezed her supple mounds of but in both hands. Her teeth bit into her lip and her voice cracked with excitement, a key factor in a proper relationship of mare and man. Your boxers and pants were gone before she could even perceive your lips mashing into hers. The invitation of her tongue into your mouth allowing her to release only a tiny fraction of her lusty need. She moaned and gasped as your tongues mingled, pushing back and forth into each other's mouths in a spittle filled mess of fleshy affection. You held control, sealing your lips to hers and letting your organ explore all throughout her cavernous maw. Her teeth were so flat and wide, easy and pleasurable the slither around and over while she returned the favor. Even if your teeth were a might pointier and smaller than hers.

A hand slid back and forth over her belly, scrubbing her lovely gray fluff and belly button in big circles of open palm messaging. The heat built up quick between your sweating body of thick muscle and her pudgy hills of silky fur. And soon enough your felt the familiar sopping wetness of her mare hood. A brash, lewd and quite noisy welcome to you and you alone. Winking and oozing and pulsing with need. And you were always happy to oblige. She stared down at the base of your girth, waiting for it to slowly and carefully disappear behind the horizon that was her stomach.

Except… it didn't. You simply lay there, not moving. She waited and waited and waited, not seeing any sign of progress what so ever. She chirped desperately up at you, flapping her wings erratically to try and get her man's attention. She was finally able to focus on your face, she saw something she didn't quite expect.

"Anon? Why is your face so… green?" You didn't respond, you only leapt off her like a man possessed and shot straight for the bathroom. Derpy flipped herself onto her belly, watching in utter confusion as her human slammed the door shut. She listened for a moment to try and pick up any sign of life. Any sort of sound to try and explain away this bizarre turn of events. Then she heard the puking.

The plentiful puking.


End file.
